Why did I decide to start a blog about trying to get pregnant? Why would I put myself out there for the whole blogging world to know that I am trying to get pregnant, and that I might not ever be able to? well, because.
Last night, I was sitting on my bed, googling things (because that’s what I do best) and I was thinking about how Josh and I were talking a few weeks back about starting a blog together (I have another blog that I write other things in), but we just couldn’t come up with anything we wanted to write about that really made sense to us. So, I thought, and I thought, and I thought. And then, this feeling came over me. It was like something said to my brain “you should start a blog about your attempts at trying to conceive a child.” I thought it was a good idea (so did Josh), so here we are.
Josh and I… we have been married for 3 years (just celebrated our 3rd anniversary on Monday the 11th. Woohoo!) We decided last year that we wanted to have a baby. Like, we really wanted to start trying to get pregnant. SO, I went to the doctor (dun dun DUN!) to get checked out and see what it was that I needed to do to have a baby… and we had a conversation, and based on my crazy menstrual cycle, she decided that I was infertile. At first, it was like I had tunnel vision, and all I could see was the doctor talking, but I could not hear a darned thing. My head was spinning, and I felt like my whole world was crashing around me. I wanted to have a baby, I knew that I was supposed to be having children at some point in my life. Why was this happening, I was only 21 years old! Too young to have fertility problems. Then, my full range of vision came back, and so did my hearing. I felt calm, at peace, and a voice inside said “don’t listen to your doctor, she is wrong. You will have children. Be patient. You will have children.”
Okay, by now you probable think that I am crazy, but I promise you that I am not.
Anyhoo… the doctor wanted to run some tests, but I just didn’t feel like the tests were needed. I am, for sure, without a doubt, NOT saying that when a doctor says that you are more than likely infertile and we should do more tests that you shouldn’t get them done. I just didn’t feel like I needed it to be done. In fact, I knew that it didn’t need to be done.
Josh, well, he was hit by a car while serving a mission for our church. He has always wondered if maybe, just maybe, it might have messed things up, but we are not worried about him, either. I have never had a bad feeling about Josh’s contribution to the baby thing. I don’t have a bad feeling about mine, either. Just for fun, though, Josh is planning on going to the doctor sometime soon (whenever his insurance kicks in).
Well, NOW… that is basically our life story up until now. We have still tried, but we took a little break from trying because I was getting frustrated. I am probably the most IMPATIENT person that you will ever meet. I have done the taking your temperature thing, and charting, and trying to determine when I am ovulating and all of that fun stuff, but then I stopped because Josh and I moved to a different town. I couldn’t find my special book, taking charge of your fertility (and I still can’t dangit) and I have a terrible memory so I can’t really remember what it is that I am supposed to do. Ugh. I am trying to find it, though. It’s in a box somewhere.
Anways, that’s why I am writing this blog, so people can know what it is that I am going through, and what other women who are trying to conceive but having a difficult time, are probably going through too. It’s hard. It’s really, really, really hard when your friends and neighbors are having children, but you aren’t. And you feel like everybody is moving in fast forward, but you are stuck on pause because all you want is to have a child; a little boy, or little girl to snuggle and love and kiss and watch grow up to a wonderful young man, or young woman.
This is why I am doing this blog. And I hope it helps somebody out there somewhere. :o)
Oh I feel for you! Because of all my past health problems I was told I couldn't have children. Then I got pregnant a month after we were married and was so excited. On Thanksgiving Dan and I both lost our jobs and then that night I woke up in horrible pain and then lost the baby. It was also Dan's birthday to top it off. I was a mess wondering if we would ever have a baby. As you know we did and then we did again while on birth control. Don't give up! Listen to that little voice and have faith and hope! I know so many women that struggled before the miracle came.
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