Intense…

So, Josh and I at the moment are living with his family. And… needless to say, they are a little… er… intense. But don’t get me wrong, I love them.

Josh is the oldest of 12. I am the youngest of 5. He is so patient because he is the oldest of 12. I am not very patient probably because I am the youngest, pretty much the only child (I think I mentioned before that my siblings are 12-17 years older than me).
Anyways, Josh has a 5 year old sister. She is SO FUNNY! She makes the FUNNIEST faces I have ever seen, and says the craziest things. Like one day she was outside playing and she accidentally swallowed a moth. I know, a moth. Really random, right? But she runs inside and said “I SWALLOWED A MOTH!!” and we looked at her and laughed and, very seriously, she says “I am going to die. They are going to lay eggs in me and eat my heart.” Where she comes up with this, I have no idea.
But she has a great imagination. And she is amazing.

I can only hope that my kids are as insanely funny as she is. And that they have a really awesome imagination.

Happiness

Hey everybody!!!! How was your weekend?! Mine was amazing. Sorry that I haven’t posted anything for a couple of days. It’s been so busy.

Yesterday, I had a job interview!! (FINALLY!!! I haven’t had a job since the end of May) It’s my first one after applying for so many stinkin’ jobs! But it was good, and they said that they would contact me at the end of the week!! :o) After that, my sister-in-law (she also had an interview with them) and I drove to the Seattle Temple. Oh ya, I forgot to mention that the interview took place in Bellevue. Anyhoo… so we drove to the Temple, even though it is closed on Mondays, to see if we could walk around. The weather wasn’t ideal yesterday. It was rainy, and we actually had thunderstorms yesterday morning!! woohoo!! But we walked around anyways. I got a little teary, like I always do when I go to the Temple. It’s beautiful, and peaceful. And even though it’s right next to a busy intersection, I feel like when I am on the grounds, I can’t even hear anything around me except for the birds in the trees.
While we were walking around, we talked about the importance of the Temple and what it means to us. Basically, we came up with this … it means that we can be “forever families.” We have the capability to be sealed to our spouses and our children forever. It’s really awesome when you think about it. Who wouldn’t want to be with their children and their husband or wife for eternity?

So, when I got home, I told my husband (who, actually is getting a raise soon, and a promotion! GO JOSH!) what we did, and he said “oh, that’s fun!” Haha… he was a little pre-occupied. But anyways, we talked about how this is ‘month one’ of our blog while trying to get pregnant. Aunt Flow rears her nasty head about the last Sunday of every month. TMI I know… but, it’s important that I tell you because about the end of every month, I might or might not be blogging about my dear Aunt. I know that we are supposed to wait for about 3 months before we tell people other than our immediate family about being pregnant, but… I just don’t think that I would be able to to do that. I will more than likely be shouting it from my rooftop because I will be so excited. :D That’s just who I am.

The point of my blog today, is to ask you people who read this, what do you think would make you happier? FINALLY having a baby, or other… more worldly things? And, if you were asked… could you give up those things that make you so happy??  I was thinking about that yesterday, I am happy with my lap top, but could I give it up JUST to have a baby? You bet I could. I am happy with all of our lovely things that we got when we got married, but could I give those up to have a baby? Yes. I could. I could give up everything that I had in order to have a child. Even if giving up everything meant that I would have to start all over from the very bottom just to have even one child, I would do it. No questions asked.
What would you do?

Mothers

I got to spend some time with my mommy today. It was really nice because we live about 30 minutes away from each other, and I don’t always have transportation to go out and visit her. We went to get her some luggage from Kohl’s, and then we went to Target to get an old friend a gift for her wedding. :) (I love weddings by the way. They are so awesome) We also went to Costco!!! I love Costco. It’s so awesome. Sometimes Josh and I go there just to walk around and look at things.

Anyways, while my mom and I were at Kohl’s, I was telling her about how I haven’t been feeling myself lately, and that I have just been so sleepy all of a sudden. Like, I could sleep alllllll the time. I usually only take naps on Sundays after church (it’s exhausting, alright?! haha!) but I have been napping almost every day and also sleeping in until like 9 or 10. Sometimes 11, and that’s not like me at all. So she asked me “are you pregnant?” and I said “I hope not.” And then I stopped and thought, wait a minute… I WANT to have a baby. Why would I say ‘I hope not’?! That’s really dumb of me. But, me being me, didn’t correct myself because I get anxious about what my mom thinks, and I was trying to figure out why I am so sleepy. I am probably coming down with something, or it’s probably because I have been working out lately. :) I can assure you, though, that I am not pregnant because I … you know last month. And it would be WAY to early to tell for this month! Tehehehe
OH! And, my mommy told me that she had a dream about Josh and I getting pregnant and having twins. I think secretly she wants me to have a baby because they are so snuggly. But it’s funny that we had twins in her dream because that’s all Josh and I ever dream about are twins. Odd, right? It might be because my mom is a twin… and her brother and sister are also twins and everybody desperately wants me to have twins. It would be intense. But I think I would really, really like it. Like… a lot!

So, I am grateful that my mommy came to visit me today. I missed her a lot, and I am happy that she is my mom. She’s a great mom, too. I can’t wait until I am a mommy so I can be as awesome as she is.

Now, off to watch Tangled! I stinkin’ love this movie.

Thoughts.

I hope that everybody had a fabulous weekend! I did! It went by way too fast, though. In my Church, we have callings… and my calling is NURSERY! And it is so fun. Actually, I am the Nursery singing time person, which is great, but I actually just stay and hang out in Nursery because, well, who doesn’t want to spend 2 hours every Sunday playing with toddlers?
This Sunday, though, was great. I played with one little 18 month old pretty much the whole time, and he is so fun. I played with a 2 year old, and then some random little kids hugged me, and then we had snack time, then it was singing time! We sang Old McDonald, and I love to see the Temple. And, the BEST song… Popcorn popping. The kids LOVE that song, and the pretty much know all the little motions that you sing with it, too.
Well, the whole reason why I was telling you about my calling was because on Sunday we had a little boy pee all the way down his pants… and create a really big mess that was amazing! :) And we also had another little boy poop all the way up his diaper and up his back. That was pretty amazing, too.
So, after I got home from Nursery, I really thought about whether or not I wanted to have babies… because… they pee on things, and they get really messy poopy diapers. I gag at the THOUGHT of poop. Even at the thought of pee out of a diaper. I mean, really. Am I cut out for motherhood? I know that Josh can handle it, he is the oldest of 12 and has changed MANY dirty diapers. I am the youngest (my siblings range from 12-17 years older than me), and have only changed peed diapers, never poopy ones. I wouldn’t even know what to do! And cleaning up throw up? Forget about that… I don’t have the stomach for something of that nature, either. Maybe it will be different with my children. Because, pretty much they are half of me… and their puke is my puke, right? I don’t know. Just thinking about it is making me want to throw up. And if I can’t do that… then how can I be a mother?!
But then, today, during family time… Josh’s little sister said a sweet prayer and it melted my heart (and everybody else's, too). And I knew that I would be able to clean up puke and poop, even though it’s going to be gross, and I probably will throw up.

So, watch this video. It’s amazing. And it sums up my thoughts and feelings.

oh happy day, it’s friday!

Today, Josh and I went to go and see the new Harry Potter movie. It was amazing, and I cried pretty much through the whole thing. There were parts where I was like, balling on the inside because they were so amazing. I LOVE the Harry Potter books, and the movies. :o)

SO, today, I was also thinking about Church (not something I used to do, but I have been a lot more lately). But I was thinking about how the early pioneers of my Church sacrificed everything, and when I say everything, I actually mean everything. They left their homes, farms, families, prized possessions, everything that they loved because their Father in Heaven asked them to. Because they were threatened, being beaten down by those who couldn’t understand their religion… and those who just didn’t want to understand. And the Lord gave them strength to get through that. There was loss and heartache along the way, but that is part of the Plan. We have to go through those things so we can grow and learn and end up back with our Father someday.
It really makes me think. What am I willing to give up to have a child? Is there something that I am supposed to sacrifice to get this blessing? Possibly. Maybe I am just supposed to learn how to be patient, and to trust in the Plan. I don’t really know quite yet, but I think that I am getting close to figuring it out.
Maybe it’s not just me that should sacrifice. It might also be Josh as well. It takes two to tango after all. But who knows, really. We will eventually. I have faith in that.

You know what gets me every time? When I think about how sad I am that I don’t have a baby… but then I try to remember that there are others out there that have a harder time than me. Who have lost children that they knew… and that they got to hold and love and care for. My cousin and her husband had a beautiful baby boy, and after only a few months of life, was taken because of a heart condition. They have such amazing faith, though. And because of their faith they were able to over come that trial.
I think of Emma Smith and how almost every time she got pregnant, she would lose the baby. Not after a few months of being pregnant… she would carry a baby full term, and then it would be a still born. How hard would that be? That would be the hardest thing that I think I would ever have to go through. I couldn’t imagine the pain that she felt.

I am really glad that I started this blog, it helps me get all of my thoughts out. Haha! I kind of feel like this is turning into a “finding my faith, figuring out  my life” type of blog. I don’t mean for it to. I think it’s just today that I am being all snuggly about my Church and my Faith.

Anyways, Josh and I are having fun, being married and making plans to go back to school. We both got accepted to our local community college. YAY! We figured that we should also focus on trying to better our lives instead of just focusing on trying to have a baby. You might want to know why I would make plans to go school when I am trying to get pregnant. Because, like I said, we need to focus on something else. Otherwise I will go crazy without babies. I have baby fever BAD! And maybe if I take the stress off of myself trying to get pregnant, then maybe I will get pregnant! Reverse psychology. Ha.

Have a great weekend, folks.

You might wonder why…

Why did I decide to start a blog about trying to get pregnant? Why would I put myself out there for the whole blogging world to know that I am trying to get pregnant, and that I might not ever be able to? well, because.
Last night, I was sitting on my bed, googling things (because that’s what I do best) and I was thinking about how Josh and I were talking a few weeks back about starting a blog together (I have another blog that I write other things in), but we just couldn’t come up with anything we wanted to write about that really made sense to us. So, I thought, and I thought, and I thought. And then, this feeling came over me. It was like something said to my brain “you should start a blog about your attempts at trying to conceive a child.” I thought it was a good idea (so did Josh), so here we are.

Josh and I… we have been married for 3 years (just celebrated our 3rd anniversary on Monday the 11th. Woohoo!) We decided last year that we wanted to have a baby. Like, we really wanted to start trying to get pregnant. SO, I went to the doctor (dun dun DUN!) to get checked out and see what it was that I needed to do to have a baby… and we had a conversation, and based on my crazy menstrual cycle, she decided that I was infertile. At first, it was like I had tunnel vision, and all I could see was the doctor talking, but I could not hear a darned thing. My head was spinning, and I felt like my whole world was crashing around me. I wanted to have a baby, I knew that I was supposed to be having children at some point in my life. Why was this happening, I was only 21 years old! Too young to have fertility problems. Then, my full range of vision came back, and so did my hearing. I felt calm, at peace, and a voice inside said “don’t listen to your doctor, she is wrong. You will have children. Be patient. You will have children.”
Okay, by now you probable think that I am crazy, but I promise you that I am not.
Anyhoo… the doctor wanted to run some tests, but I just didn’t feel like the tests were needed. I am, for sure, without a doubt, NOT saying that when a doctor says that you are more than likely infertile and we should do more tests that you shouldn’t get them done. I just didn’t feel like I needed it to be done. In fact, I knew that it didn’t need to be done.

Josh, well, he was hit by a car while serving a mission for our church. He has always wondered if maybe, just maybe, it might have messed things up, but we are not worried about him, either. I have never had a bad feeling about Josh’s contribution to the baby thing. I don’t have a bad feeling about mine, either. Just for fun, though, Josh is planning on going to the doctor sometime soon (whenever his insurance kicks in).

Well, NOW… that is basically our life story up until now. We have still tried, but we took a little break from trying because I was getting frustrated. I am probably the most IMPATIENT person that you will ever meet. I have done the taking your temperature thing, and charting, and trying to determine when I am ovulating and all of that fun stuff, but then I stopped because Josh and I moved to a different town. I couldn’t find my special book, taking charge of your fertility (and I still can’t dangit) and I have a terrible memory so I can’t really remember what it is that I am supposed to do. Ugh. I am trying to find it, though. It’s in a box somewhere.

Anways, that’s why I am writing this blog, so people can know what it is that I am going through, and what other women who are trying to conceive but having a difficult time, are probably going through too. It’s hard. It’s really, really, really hard when your friends and neighbors are having children, but you aren’t. And you feel like everybody is moving in fast forward, but you are stuck on pause because all you want is to have a child; a little boy, or little girl to snuggle and love and kiss and watch grow up to a wonderful young man, or young woman.
This is why I am doing this blog. And I hope it helps somebody out there somewhere. :o)

I know, I know

I JUST posted something, but I came across this today, and I forgot to put it in my first one.

It’s Doctrine and Covenants section 18:18-19
Ask the Father in my name, in faith believing that you shall receive, and you shall have the Holy Ghost, which manifesteth all things which are expedient unto the children of men.
And if you have not faith, hope, and charity, you can do nothing.

Seriously, this is for me my friends.

Firsty!

Hey there. As you can tell, this is my first blog about the joys, and the sorrows, and the frustrations of trying to get pregnant.
Husband and I have been trying, off and on, for about a year. It’s been complicated, frustrating, heartbreaking and exciting all at the same time.

We don’t know what is in store for us, but we are excited to find out. We put our trust in our Heavenly Father, and we know that He will lead us in the right direction.

So stay! Hang out! Make yourself at home, we can be boring sometimes, but I promise, you wont be disappointed. :D